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12 Important Things to Consider Before Saying ‘Yes I Do’
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There are numerous reasons why people say ‘I do’ and some of them cant be explained. Some marry because of love, others marry because it is arranged, and some even get married for financial gain. I mean, these are the reasons , yeah…
But have you ever stopped to think about things to consider before saying ‘Yes I Do’? As I said, people get married for numerous reasons and I stated a few, but do they really consider some criteria before walking down that aisle and saying the words ‘Yes I Do’?
Well, in this article I will be letting you know all the things to consider before saying ‘Yes I Do’. Let’s get reading…
Important Things to Consider Before Saying ‘Yes I Do’
Before you walk down that aisle and say your vows, there should be some key things that you should be able to tolerate with your partner. I mean, you just don’t want to walk down the aisle with a complete stranger.
Some term it ‘spec’ and I guess that’s a good enough term to call it. So let’s see what some people have to say about what they want in their ‘spec’ before taking those sacred vows…
1. I should Be Able to know Your Religion
To those of us who believe in a Supreme Being, your way of worship must be scrutinized. At least 25% of marriages crash these days because of religion. Did these spouses look at their ways of worship before marriage? Did they try to work a way around their different religions? Did these spouses look at their partner’s religious background?
These are questions married and unmarried couples should ask themselves before getting married. I have been fortunate to see marriages that have flourished and are still flourishing because of different religious backgrounds. The important thing is for you to know your partner’s religion and see if you can adopt that part of the person.
Don’t just put love alone on the front burner of your consideration and let the rest sort itself out. Put into consideration how your partner worships and see if you can work it out with them before saying the sacred vows.
2. Family Background
The family background of your partner should be considered before saying ‘yes I do’. After you must have known and understood the way your partner worships, the next is their family background.
Do they come from a good family background? Did they have both parents present in the early years of their life? If not, why. Do they have a history of violence or hereditary disease? All these questions and more should be asked and answered.
You should not just end up with someone without knowing a friend or family member of your partner. I know someone who got married to their partner without knowing the family background of the partner.
The worst part was that they got married without the partner’s family involved, it was only his ‘friends’ that were available. Today this person is regretting the marriage because they started noticing things about their partner that they didn’t know before.
The bottom line is, to know your partner’s family background. Know their tribe, family members, friends, type of people they role with, hobbies, likes and dislikes. If you can know everything known about that person, it would be advised you do so.
3. Financial Stability Should Also be Part of the Things to Consider Before Saying ‘Yes I Do’
Don’t think that this refers only to men, as some women think that it is only the men that should be financially stable. While this may be true to a large extent, in modern times women do work and earn money so this point, like the others before it, is not gender-based.
Check out the financial stability of your partner. Are they capable of handling some financial responsibility? Can they take the financial heat when things are not going well for you? Are you guys both buoyant enough to start a family?
Also, Is your partner’s stream(s) of income good for your nurturing family? Are they reckless with money? You should be able to ask these questions and your partner should be able to answer. You should also be able to scrutinize and analyze their answers and make observations of their own.
You should not leave financial responsibility to your partner alone, you too should be able to help out. You should also scrutinize how your partner makes money. Is it legal or illegal? You should be able to do all these before saying the magic words on the altar.
4. Your Partner’s Looks
Still, on the ‘spec’ theory, a lot of people have a picture of their ideal person. Some, if not most are fictional, but others can be met, especially with physical features and financial aspects too.
Not to get too personal, but my mum used to say before you get married to someone ask yourself if you want your kids to look like your partner. If the answer is no, you know what to do, if yes, you still know what to do. So let’s take this into consideration. If you want to get married to some, you should be able to put your children into consideration.
Do you want your kids to have your partner’s smile? Do you want your kids to have your partner’s dentition? You should be able to put your future kids into consideration too. Your decision will affect everyone around you, remember that.
5. Your Partner’s Personality
Your partner’s behavior should also be scrutinized. You should be able to understand the behavioral pattern of your partner. How they behave when things don’t go well for them. Do they transfer aggression when angry? Are they always pessimistic? Can they keep their emotions in check when trying to correct or communicate with you?
You should be able to know your partner’s personality. You should be able to know if it is something that you can handle in the long run (marriage). You should also be able to understand them without words.
Know when they are angry and know what to say when they are angry. You should also know if your partner is very emotional and how you can help them get over a certain emotional situation.
6. Another Thing to Consider Before Saying Yes I Do is Your Partner’s Respect Level
The respect level is another factor that you should take into consideration before saying the sacred vows. To know your partner’s respect level, you as an individual need to know that respect goes beyond age. Age does not matter.
You should be able to observe if your partner respects you as an individual and your family too, says one of my friends I interviewed. She believes and knows that your partner should be respectful.
Your partner should be able to treat people well. You should be able to know if your partner is a ‘people-pleaser’ or not. I really could not have agreed more with her.
Most people only go for looks and what the pocket offers, forgetting the person’s respect level. There is a famous saying that people say ‘the way a person treats others says a lot about them’.
If your partner does not treat people around them with respect, dignity, and integrity irrespective of status, then you should not consider marrying that person. If the person does not respect you as a person and your decisions, then that person will not be able to respect your family after marriage.
7. Your Partner’s Way of Approach to Situations
Is your partner the type that says ‘what will happen, will happen’ in dire situations? Does your partner take control of a situation head-on? Is your partner always relaxed in every situation? Is your partner a team leader? Is your partner a charismatic and hardworking teammate? If your partner does not tick these boxes, then you should know what to do from there.
All relationships, be it marriage, friendships, or even dating are not rosy all the time, so how does your partner handle certain situations? If for instance, one of you loses a job and has a tight flow of income, what does the other party do? If your partner is not a problem solver then what happens next? Get a good partner that is knowledgeable in a certain situation and is also willing to help you both get out of certain situations.
8. Comprehension and Communication Level is Another Thing to Consider Before Saying ‘Yes I Do’
The two Cs are very vital in every relationship and in also choosing a partner. Does your partner understand certain situations and where you are coming from during conversations? Do you guys always argue during conversations? Do you guys agree to disagree?
If your partner does not tick these boxes, then there are issues. If you and your partner are not able to communicate and you guys are not able to understand one another, then the relationship is not good. Understanding and communication are also pillars of every relationship, so if one pillar is not strong, then the whole relationship is defeated.
A lot of people make mistakes here, they think once there is love, then the rest is history. But this should not be so. You should know how your partner communicates with not just you, but everyone around you. You see, effective communication is a skill that most don’t have, and you should scrutinize if your partner has that skill.
You should also know how your partner comprehends certain situations, ideologies and even other peoples’ attitudes. If your partner does not have a good understanding and communication level, then the ‘yes’ should be a ‘no’ or ‘maybe’.
9. Can You Look Up to Your Partner?
A lot of people in relationships don’t even know that this is very vital, especially to those looking to get married. Is your present partner or potential partner someone that you look up to? Is this partner someone that is a role model to you, in some way? Is your partner someone you admire and who has good charisma? Do people around you also look up to your partner? Do your partner’s friends, relatives and even enemies, look up to your partner?
Your partner should be of great inspiration to you and everyone around you. Your partner should also have good values and morals that inspire everyone around you to be better people. Having a partner you can look up to is a very vital thing to consider before saying ‘Yes I Do’.
Most people getting into the marriage scene do not even know this and this can be very detrimental to any relationship. Get a partner that you can look up to and see where that leads you.
10. Is Your Partner’s Mental Health Good
Do you have a pessimistic partner that drains all the optimism from you? Is your partner always complaining and wanting more? Is your partner always there to cheer you up when you are down? Is your partner always abusing you or causing arguments unnecessarily with you?
Have a partner who is well-packaged mentally and is willing to help you be mentally healthy. You should not have a partner who does not have to make you think unnecessarily. Maybe you are always thinking of their well-being, or their were-about or why the level of communication fluctuates.
You should have a partner who has a healthy mindset and puts you as a priority on his top list. You should have a partner who you trust and who does not give you cause to worry.
You see, your mental health should be protected at all costs and someone should not be able to downgrade that.
11. Can You and Your Partner Grow Together?
You should ask yourself and your partner this very important question, ‘can we grow together?’ You see, age is just a number when you are dating to get married. You should know if you can grow with your partner mentally, spiritually, physically and even emotionally.
If you cannot see yourself growing old with your partner and planning long-term goals then something is wrong with that relationship. Having a partner with whom you guys do everything and grow together is a very essential and good thing to do before and during the marriage.
Having a partner that you guys vibe well like you guys are always on the same vibe and it is never a dull moment with them is an underrated blessing. So ask yourself first, can you grow with your partner in the long run?
12. An Important Thing to Consider before getting married is Knowing If Your Partner is Well Mannered
If your partner does not have a good character and is not well-mannered then that is indeed a red flag. If you cannot trust your partner irrespective of differences then that’s also a red flag. Having a partner who is well-mannered and respects everyone around them is truly something that we as an individual need.
Part of being well-mannered is having boundaries in relationships and respecting them. You may have boundaries that should not be crossed, for instance, sexual intimacy before marriage. Your partner should respect your decisions and help you maintain those boundaries not break them. If you have a partner that always wants to break your boundaries then that’s a red flag right there.
The Point Is…
There are numerous criteria to consider before taking sacred vows. The most important thing is to not get blinded by love. Don’t see the red flags and call them love languages. Take your time to understand and communicate with your partner.
There is no perfect person in this world, but there is someone for you that you can tolerate. Everyone you are going to meet is coming into that relationship with their baggage and flaws, but the question is can you tolerate it and try to work it out? As I said, there is no relationship that is perfect, you both should come to a compromise and meet in the middle.
Lastly, when you are looking for your partner, don’t make fictional speculations of your ideal partner, and try to change them entirely when you meet them. Accept them for who they are and you both should try and work something out. At the end of the day, you lose some to get some.
What do I need to know before Saying I Do?
The most important things to consider before saying ‘Yes I Do’ is your partner’s religion, mental health, family background, financial stability, and comprehension and communication level.
How Do I Say Yes to A Relationship?
You can say ‘Yes’ by giving a gift or even having a conversation where you get to give your answer.
How Do You Know If You Should Say ‘Yes’ to A Proposal?
You should go with your gut feeling. There is always a small voice in your head telling you what to do, and that voice is most of the time right. Or, better still, consult an elder. It could be your parents or even your religious spiritual guardian.
What should you not do before proposing?
Some of the things may include, showing the ring to others before engagement, telling a lot of people about the event, and most importantly forgetting that it is all about your partner and not you.
What stops men from proposing?
There are a lot of things that stop men from proposing. Some are scared of rejection. I believe that is the number one thing that stops a man from proposing. Others may be, fear of lack of commitment, lack of trust and even change later on in the relationship.
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