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10 Effective Tips on Dating a Partner with Kids
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Dating in itself can be challenging for two single individuals. When there are kids involved, it becomes even more complicated. Apart from the fact that the relationship no longer just involves both of you but the kids as well, sometimes it could involve their mothers .
A man having a kid could mean that he was married before, has a baby mama or adopted a child. Whichever is which, the relationship won’t be easy. You have to be prepared and informed about what you’re getting into. No two relationships are the same, but some rules need to be applied when dating a partner with kids.
Effective Tips on Dating a Partner with Kids
1. Be Certain of Your Feelings Before You Commit
when dating a partner with kids, be sure that you’re going to be there for the long haul. If you are looking for a causal relationship, a dad shouldn’t be your best option. You have to be reminded that this relationship is not only about you both. If you are not ready for the responsibility that comes with it, it’s okay to run. It’s better than starting what you can’t finish.
2. Be Open Minded
Go into the relationship with an open mind. Kill every expectation you have and be ready for the worst. These kinds of relationships can’t be predicted. The kids may not like you, the mother may still be alive and present.
It may get overwhelming and frustrating so disabuse any preconception you have when dating a partner with kids and be ready for anything. It is not all roses, and it is not all bad. Be open to experiencing the uniqueness of your relationship with your partner and bonus children.
3. You Need an Extra Dose of Patience and Understanding
You will have to give up date nights for family movie night, lunch dates for play dates in the park, money for vacation could be used to pay school fees and you may have to give up your weekend because one of them is sick.
He may have to leave you to attend to the kids and you have to be supportive about it all . It’s not always easy but you’ll need to be understanding. The kids may push you to the wall, test your patience and wait for you to slip up, Don’t give in to them. Be patient.
4. The Kids Will Always Be His Priority
You have to be content with second place. No matter how much he loves you, his kids will always come first. Knowing this will save you a lot of disappointments in the future. If you are okay with being 2nd place, then you should go ahead and give it a shot. If not, it’s best you reassess the relationship.
Having to make your partner to choose between you and his children will leave you heartbroken because it’ll always be them. Know this and know peace.
5. You Will Need to Make Adjustments
A relationship with a dad means that you have to make a lot of lifestyle changes. Things you would normally do in a conventional relationship might not work here. There may be no clubbing till dawn, no late-night dates, no vacations and even if there will, it may involve the kids.
You may have to change your tone and language because the kids are minors. No sleep overs at his, you don’t want the kids running into you with their father’s shirt. You also have to be a good example to the kids. Sounds like a lot of changes, right? If you love your partner and his kids, I think it’s worth doing.
6. You’re Not Their Mom, Don’t Force it
When dating a partner with kids, you could get carried away and start to assume the role of a mother to them. My advice is Don’t! At least for the time being. Allow their father raise them. You could support him but don’t make the kids feel like you’re trying to replace their mum.
They won’t let you. Maintain your boundaries as the girlfriend. Decisions that concern the kids should be made by their father. Talk to your partner when you want to do anything that concerns the kids. Eventually in the future, the kids will warm up to you and even consider you their mom, but till then, Don’t Force it.
7. Don’t Feel Bad When the Kids Do Not Like You
Having our partners kids warm up to us is the dream of every woman considering a relationship with a dad. What happens when they don’t? You have to give them time. No kid wants their mum to be replaced so there’ll be a bit of defense at first.
They may be skeptical about your motives and won’t trust you immediately. You have to be ready for this and not feel bad. It may hurt especially when they are outrightly being mean and disrespectful.
Make sure to communicate your feelings with your partner and give the kids time. Trust is earned so earn it.
8. You May Feel Out of Place
feeling like a third wheel is not uncommon with women dating a partner with kids. The kids and their father already have a bond before you got there so fitting in may be hard.
You have to respect the relationship your partner has with his children, their family goals and traditions. You’ll eventually become a part of the group and although it may take time, patience is best at times like this.
9. You Have to Respect Their Mothers
Whether dead or alive, you have to respect the mother of his children. If she’s dead, remember the children will still be grieving so be careful what you say about their mum.
Don’t do anything that will make them think you’re trying to erase their memories of her and take her place. Their mother will always be their mother. Respect that. If he’s co- parenting with his ex-wife or baby mama, be sure to be civil and respectful around her.
Red Flags When Dating a Man with Kids
1. Always Using His Kids as Excuse
You’re already aware that the kids come first but using them to lie is totally unacceptable. Making up PTA meetings that don’t exist or lying his kid is sick to avoid taking up his responsibility to you is a huge red flag.
2. He Disrespects You in Front of His Children
Any man that disrespects you in front of his kids does not love you, period! When the children see their father disrespect you, they’ll think it’s okay for them to do that.
Raising his voice or yelling while the kids are watching is totally wrong. He shouldn’t correct you in front of the kids ever. You’re his partner not a babysitter.
3. He Doesn’t Have Boundaries with His Ex-wife:
She may be the mother of his kids but she’s not his partner anymore. If he’s letting her cross lines, you should watch out. If she’s still acting like the wife and he indulges her, you should be worried.
4. He Makes You Feel Out of Place
it’s normal to feel out of place but if your partner is sponsoring that feeling, it’s definitely a red flag. A man that loves you will push you closer to his children and not make you feel like you don’t belong there.
What to Do When You Both Have Children?
It gets more complicated, but a blended family is never a bad idea. You and your partner will have to be honest about what you both want before informing the children. Getting the children to be on board may take time. Don’t rush it.
You could let the children meet and bond at a park or any fun setting. Getting the children to bond is very important to the success of the relationship. If your children do not agree, it may be challenging to pursue the relationship.
You also have to respect each other’s parenting styles and pattern. Be more accommodating and open minded. A lot of adjustment will need to be made on both sides.
Dating a partner with kids is no doubt tricky. It can get overwhelming, chaotic and sometimes you may doubt if it’s worth it. Always remember why you’re in the relationship and trust that your love will get you both through.
Again, I’ll say that if you do not want kids or cannot deal with the responsibilities that comes with this kind of relationship, don’t even start it.
1. Is it worth dating someone with a kid?
Yes it is. As much as it may be challenging, it could also be rewarding. It’s like a buy one get one free package. You do not only get the man but children as well. You get to connect to his children and be part of a bigger family.
Trust me, it can be amazing. If you are sure, you love him and he loves you, you could give it a try. It may require a lot of effort and patience but it’s definitely worth it.
2. How do you deal with a partner who has kids?
When dealing with a partner with kids, you have to be open minded, patient and very understanding. You will be second to him and you would have to be content with that. Know your boundaries and stick to it.
3. What to expect when dating a man with kids?
Know that you won’t have a ‘normal’relationship. You’ll have to make adjustments and sacrifices. The children will be his priority and you will have to be a supportive partner. You should also expect to meet the children’s mother.
4. Is it hard dating someone with a child?
I won’t say it is hard but I can assure you it is going to be challenging. If you love him and you’re open to doing the work and putting in effort, you can go for it.
5. How do you accept a man with a child?
Check your heart and be sure you love him and you’re ready for this commitment. Acceptance comes from a place of understanding. If you understand him and the implications of dating him, you’ll be able to accept him
6. How do you date a guy with kids and an ex-wife?
First, be sure that he is divorced and no longer in love with his ex-wife. You do not want that kind of drama, trust me. He will still be in contact with hisex-wifee because of the kids so you have to be civil with her and respect her.
Focus on enjoying the time you both have with each other alone and be patient. I repeat, be patient.
Know that you won’t have a “normal” relationship. You’ll have to make adjustments and sacrifices. The children will be his priority and you will have to be a supportive partner. You should also expect to meet the children’s mother.
Have with each other alone and be patient. I repeat, be patient.
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